So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
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I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
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how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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