Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
