Only a mothe r could love this liver
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
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