I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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