Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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