Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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