he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize