i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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