I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
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