Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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