he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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