she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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