Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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