gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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