3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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