alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
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