But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize