Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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