Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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