why didn't you poke me back
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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