no, he came in my armpit
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
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