just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
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The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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