right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize