And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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