The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Randomize
