1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
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If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
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Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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