Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
as a side note pls kill me
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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