i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize