I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize