my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
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I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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