Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
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Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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