hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize