I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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