I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize