What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize