Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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