I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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