So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send help, water and tortillas.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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