How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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