she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
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I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
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Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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