I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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