and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
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He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
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My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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