after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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