If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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