Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize