I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize