Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
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She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
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Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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