tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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