I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize