my room smells like sperm. sweet.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize