MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
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So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
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I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
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